My life and my story :)

Haha um okay so I’m gonna be talking to this guy on the phone that I like for the first time,…and I really like him.

Any advice?

hellohipsterr:

Okay so I think I am weird. Truly. 

It seems that, I watch romantic movies and stuff and you know how everybody wants that kind of relationship but can never find it…well it seems like when I do I get scared!! I dont know why! But it’s like the perfect guy comes along…and I’m scared. But why? I don’t know why I’m scared. That he cares too much? 

Maybe it’s because of the emotional abuse, I don’t know. 

It seems I want someone who cares but not to much because I’m scared of someone who cares too much…that they’ll realize how weak I really am and not want to be with me anymore. I don’t know.

He really makes me happy though , I believe. So I don’t know what my problem is..

Do you ever just feel so controlled, like you can’t be who you want to be? And you’re just waiting…agonizingly waiting…for the day when you’ll break free and be who you want to be..and it’ll all just happen so suddenly..and no one will know what hit them.

One other thing about me. I’m very insecure. I’ve been told time after time I don’t need to be but I don’t know why I am…(well I think I have an idea though) I feel like I’m not good enough and I want to be normal but it’s like I can’t…not until I’m an adult and can make my own decisions. It’s the hardest thing to wait for. But you just know…it’ll be so worth it in the end. You’ll finally be happy. Being who you want to be.

And no one will be able to hold you back…

That’s about how I feel right now.

Is there something wrong with me? Or is that normal? I wouldn’t think everyone was as insecure as me…but I could be wrong. I just feel a stranger in my own body…
I’d like to feel I wasn’t alone here.

I just thought I’d mention if Broadway doesn’t work out for me I do have back-up plans. Some other future dream jobs I wouldn’t mind having are…

-Photographer

-Model

-Reporter

or something along those lines. :)

In New York of course. ;)

Also, I’ll be posting a picture of myself sometime this weekend.